Harms we see on the small scale have the same root as those at the large. (Last edit 3/22/21)
It is the same “sickness”.
The one that makes you mirror a femme’s behavior and wear her down so she’ll finally “agree” to sleep with you, and you know your intentions are not in her favor, that you might destroy her, so you’re underground lying telling others how needy and jealous she always was, leave out details: your assaults, tantrums, threats, coercions, when she’s had enough, and throw in buckets of falsehoods so that you can piece together a tale of ghosts and fabrications, to explain that she was unreasonable, and ultimately, underserving of respect. Retaliate if she speaks out. Claim victimhood. Rage. Repeat.
The same sickness that makes a cop target Black people, thinking it will be easier to get away with, legally, socially, they won’t know their rights — you were following direct orders to make arrests for departmental funds, you’d go after anyone suspicious, you were directed simply to shoot [Black] people if they stood up for themselves, if they appeared violent, if they got in the way — you can say they looked threatening, or they might have had a gun. Say anything, you’ve really only gotta sell it.
The same sickness that has them polluting and destroying neighborhoods, ecosystems, entire species, and the planet, for profit and power.
The same sickness that makes you belittle or underpay employees, the one that lets homeless people freeze to death in winters while apartments and hotels stay vacant. It is the same sickness that lets you beat your child so they live in fear instead of love, it has you treat their emotions as frivolous. It is the same sickness that lets you prevent your wife from leaving. It is the same sickness that makes you think an Indigenous woman’s disappearance won’t make headlines, so you take her from her life and loved ones. The same sickness that says treating this patient differently can’t be proven, it’ll be a he-said, she-said, so if it is easier for you to not listen to what they are telling you, to not do thorough work, go for it. The same sickness that has you give her one too many drinks, touch her without informed and enthusiastic consent. The same sickness that’ll make you insist that there are “two sides” to mollify, to cover things up, when there’s really only one side, and that side is the truth and what actually happened. It’s the same sickness that let them take Sandra Bland. The same sickness that first asks someone in an active crisis for proof, or says nothing, or sends them on their way with no explanation for inaction. The same sickness that does not care about those outside of your immediate circle, those you do not have an existing vested interest in, the same sickness that has you publicly pretend you care, as a concerned republican, democrat, leftist, or radical — you may espouse the very ideals you lack, loudly and proudly. You might be an intimate partner abuser performing gender justice. You might be a cop taking a knee. The same sickness that lets you play victim when you know good and damn well what you did- there is actual victimhood and there is self-serving delusion and there is direct lying. The same sickness that lets you ask the elderly to sacrifice themselves for the economy during a pandemic. The same sickness that makes orders for subway constructions that are inaccessible to wheelchairs or strollers. The sickness that orders a child to live in a cage. The sickness that requires proper national documentation for health care, that requires full-time work for sub-par insurance coverage.
Narcissism and deceit — the same “sicknesses” that will make you call someone the n-word behind their back, but smile to their face when it benefits you. It is the same sickness that has you hire mostly white, male professors — same sickness that has you mistreating, overworking your graduate students, and the universities allowing one-way evaluations of their performance. Same sickness that lauds CEOs making more than 300 times the median in their company in base pay, with an even starker difference for the ones making the product or carrying out the service; the same sickness that is justifying grabbing her by the pussy, who had planned to open a racist, sexist, and oppressive campaign on Juneteenth in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
The same sickness that kidnapped these bodies from their homelands to begin with, the same sickness that beat, maimed, threatened, misinformed, disenfranchised, redlined, corralled, poisoned, smeared, separated, and killed them. The same sickness that is gaslighting descendants with textbooks calling slaves workers, textbooks calling villains heroes, statues lauding those who committed atrocities, textbooks erasing the lives and ever-enduring strength and heroism of Black and Brown femmes and queers and disabled people. The same sickness that has us shipping “trash” to the Bronx and Newark and China and West Africa.
It cannot perpetuate unsupported.
This sickness is bolstered by the housemate who listens to you mistreat her and listens to her cry at night, sits in knowledge of the half-truths he has told, watches someone strong devolve into an anxious and suicidal mess, but sits back and takes your boy out to drinks and celebrates him; bolstered by the friends who gaslight her or help you find a plan to spin it, advises you to wait out the “mess” and move on, it’s not ideal but she’ll probably be fine, and I mean, these things always blow over. It’s bolstered by the ones who protect abusers by any means, for he is one of them, they will avoid seeing the proof, and even if they do unfortunately see, they can spin it, after all, it would be even more of a hassle to hold him accountable, to “get involved” or “in the middle”. Bolstered by the ones who tried to convince us of the patriarchy’s narratives, of the ghastly harms of misogyny and misogynoir to begin with.
The same sickness is bolstered by the 57 who walked out, who were then supported by police unions nationwide. It is bolstered by the cop who stood by watching for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, bolstered by the folks still insisting they keep us safe. Bolstered by the elected officials who give police billions while taking money away from things humans actually need for safe, full, and just lives; taking money from things our planet and non-human species need to survive. Bolstered by the coroner’s report that blamed him for being suffocated. The same sickness who let Breonna Taylor’s murderers walk free and protected today. Same sickness that is justifying qualified immunity and hiding misconduct records. The sickness that agrees man has dominion over the earth, it is bolstered by those saying someone must make tough calls in deeming some neighborhoods, towns, countries, species slightly more disposable than others. Bolstered by agribusiness trying to cover up how much animals are suffering.
The sickness is supported by the nobody who is holding that boss accountable; the onlookers who first say the boss has good traits too. It is bolstered by the people saying redistributing wealth would lead us to be a worse country, not as strong, lazier — or they’ve evolved to another calculated reason, for why, equity is not in the cards right now. It’s the same sickness that says it’s for the child’s own good, and looks away. The same sickness is bolstered by those asking the traumatized woman what she did to provoke him, or by those who don’t comfort the harmed, those who need proof, first, before treating her as human — keep supporting their comrade blindly, he probably had good reasons, it’ll all be OK. The sickness is bolstered by those that only promote cis men’s lives at the forefront of our marches and our rallies, bolstered by those who don’t burn the world down for hurt or missing girls, the same sickness that does not say Tony McDade’s name — the same sickness that does not have the abolition of patriarchy and gender-based violence at the forefront of all advocacy for justice, at the most individual of levels, as the guiding post of your collective’s work. It is the same sickness that lets doctors file incomplete reports, protects them from negligence and malpractice. Sometimes we lose a patient unexpectedly in the course of our work, and I’m sure they did their best and that the patient was maybe asking too many questions, had pre-existing conditions, perhaps did something to bring on that treatment, or not, I really don’t have the time, or the facts, or empathy frankly, but let’s not use too harsh of language to characterize our slow response to Serena’s cries for help, to people’s pleas for respect or dignity. They are doing the best they can. The sickness is bolstered by the one who asks what she was wearing, was she too naïve, too soft? Bolstered by the one who says he likes bullies. Bolstered by the essay long emails trying to justify why you won’t help. Bolstered by those who don’t know what the word love means but throw it like Mardi Gras beads. The same sickness is bolstered by those who’ll justify any behavior, by looking at “the past” of the person they are trying to protect, maybe the past of those they care less about, and from this, try to make something utterly unacceptable make sense, as opposed to calling it as it is. The sickness is empowered by those who do nothing. The sickness is empowered by the prison guards and coroners who ruled countless deaths a suicide. The sickness then leads people to be driven to actual suicide.
This sickness is bolstered by those who’ll listen to you call that person a nigger and say nothing, continue to support them, defend them, laugh. The sickness is bolstered by those saying these are simply the most qualified, we really aren’t getting that many “diverse” applicants, but we hear you, and first let’s do a survey to confirm that this is really an issue — do you want to help us come up with questions? The same sickness is bolstered by the explanation that this level of compensation is needed to steer the ship, it’s the just reward of innovation and being at the top, that the other jobs get lower pay but are still essential, so make sure people are doing them, even if they have to pay for supplies out of pocket to keep safe, or to be effective — this is just how things are. The same sickness who is cheering him on, that’s how men are, boys will be boys, he was kidding, he has a wife and daughter, he has a sweet face and a future, he did good things too. The sickness is bolstered by the “I always want to believe and support victims and survivors, but in this case...” The same sickness that saw Black wealth accumulation as a threat and tried to destroy it. It is bolstered by the millions who supported and benefitted from slavery, and benefit today, yet do nothing.
The same sickness is bolstered by those who support the laws enabling systemic racism, assert they don’t see them, or support them indirectly — e.g. yes, this must change, but let’s reform at a reasonable pace, or they are anti-affirmative action because it isn’t fair, or they are color-blind, there are two sides to the story, let’s get all the facts first. Or they are silent. Harmfully silent. The inaction is because those who bolster it are benefitting. Those who think dating a Black girl would be cool, that a Black femmes should be nurturing and take care of you, those who think that she or they might be a nice arm piece, those who secretly do think that Black femmes owe you something, that she should have long or straight hair — that Black music is fun to party to, some Black actors are really attractive and talented, basketball is great, thinking look at all that Black people have provided us. The sickness is the “what-about-ism” response prevalent when someone is expressing something harmful.
It is the sickness that tries to convince you there are two sides when there is really only the truth.
There is really only the truth.
It is the sickness of those who are trying to circumvent or ignore the truth.
The same interpersonal and small scale sicknesses of abuse, assault, misogyny/noir, ignorance of consent, all the -isms, all the phobias, all the entitlement, all the hate crimes, all the manipulation, all the harm, and all of the concurrent inaction — is what created and maintains what we see on the large scale.
Make no mistake: people put these systems, codes, and unwritten rules in place, and people are actively or inactively, maintaining them, today.
